Hangups

Hand-hewn fence alongside the Carretera Austral

Chip kept talking about how we were heading to "Playa La Junta" and sure enough, we got a few sun breaks today.  Not exactly beach weather, but we were enjoying it none the less.  And we were treated to fantastic waterfalls on the way into town.

My bike is falling apart.  My grand 24-speed has been reduced to about six working gears.  I cleaned (as best I could) and lubed the drive train and adjusted the rear derailleurs.  We'll see how it works.  My tent's rain fly is outside drying while I'm inside drinking beer and hoping the temperature hasn't dropped below the dew point.

I tried to call Joanna this evening and caught her just before an interview.  I guess she's stressed because I got a quick "Yeah, I'll talk to you later," and a hangup.  That makes two phone calls where I've gotten no response to an "I love you," except a click and static.  Granted, both have been calls while she's at work, but I'd like to think that she could take two seconds and give me a decent good-bye.  "Just reading too much into it," I tell myself, but it's hard to think otherwise.  I thought that we were on solid ground after Peru.  I never felt as good about our relationship as when we parted ways at Lima International.

She has told me that her identity is her job and her kid.  Nothing about me: just job and kid.  I don't mind taking a backseat to Eva, and I expect to be in the backseat to her for quite some time, if not forever.  I can deal with that.  But I can't deal with taking a backseat to her job.  While I realize that it's important to her and that from it she can get the unbiased appreciation of her talents and her smarts that she's craved since her childhood.  It's an appreciation that I try to give, but can't because of my stubborn insistence in turning discussion into debate.  She backs down from such conflict and takes it as a personal attack.  I can't provide her the reinforcement that she needs either because of this or because she believes my opinion to be biased.  I understand the importance of her job but I'm only asking for five seconds.  Tell me that you love me and that you can't talk right now.  Another 30 seconds to figure out a better time.  That's all.

OK, enough about that.  Now for some good news: The weather report calls for rain from Temuco to Antarctica.  Joy.  Better bring the rain fly in.  Then I'll try the phone again.  I love punishment.